Some light-hearted pilot talk.
1. There is no problem so complex that it cannot simply be blamed on the pilot. ~ Dr Earl Weiner
2. Flying is like sex —I’ve never had all I wanted but occasionally I’ve had all I could stand. ~ Stephen Coonts
3. The greatest danger in flying is starving to death. ~ Earl C. Reed of the T-L-R Flying Circus
4. When asked by someone how much money flying takes: Why, all of it! ~ Gordon Baxter
5. The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. ~ Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot
6. An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe.
7. The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage.
8. Airlines have really changed, now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
9. There are only three things a copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I’ll buy the first round.
3. That sure was a pretty woman you were with last night.
10. There are only two things a wingman should ever say:
1. Two is up.
2. Lead you are on fire.
11. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night, over water or rugged terrain.
12. The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.
13. Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
14. I’ve flown in both pilot seats. Can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?
15. Son, you’re going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can’t do both.
16. FAA Motto: We’re not happy, till you’re not happy.
17. The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, “Damn it!”
The first officer says, “I have an idea!”
The captain says, “Hey, watch this!”
18. Death is just nature’s way of telling you to watch your airspeed.
19. One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the
quality of the social experience.
20. The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
21. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather….Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his airplane….”
22. If they want to give it to me, there must be something wrong with it: Bob Giles
23. It’s better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than in the air wishing you were on the ground.
24. The difference between a polish pilot and an American pilot is that an American pilot breaks ground and flies into the wind.
25. How will this approach terminate? In one piece, I hope. Dan Boyd
26. The only thing worse than a captain who never flew copilot is a copilot who was once a captain.
27. Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone else’s bad judgment.
28. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
29. A terminal forecast is a horoscope with numbers.
30. You know you’ve landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
31. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
32. Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
33. It’s easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune…
34. A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
35. The male pilot is a poor, confused soul who talks about women when he’s in an airplane…and talks about airplanes when he is with a woman.
36. Never fly the ‘A’ model of anything.”
37. Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Richard Herman Jr, in “Firebreak”
38. The sky is not the limit…………..the ground is.
39. And its corollary: You can’t beat the record for a low pass, you can only tie it.